It's July...where did the time go???

So it's July and what have I done with my life and those goals I had set for myself at the beginning of the year?

This year so far has been tough - in more ways than one. The private gym did not work out for me, they were big into supplementing everything and I was not willing to spend the rest of my life taking supplements (nor was my bank account willing to dish out the $400/mth just for the supplements). It's too bad but what can you do?

At the end of February I found myself sick - and not in a normal way or with some of the normal ailments that obese individuals have to fight (ie. diabetes, heart problems, etc). I ended up with terrible headaches, so much so that I could not lift my head off the pillow and constant double vision. As it turns out, after being diagnosed with Intracranial Hypertension (increased pressure in the fluid around the brain) and trying to rule out all other causes of the onset of this - the Neurologist and Opthamologist determined that it was because of my weight. A lumbar puncture, 4.5 weeks off of work and waiting for the pressure to subside, I am finally feeling much, much better. I was floored by the diagnosis and the reason - I never even considered that I could lose my eyesight or be bed ridden with unbearable headaches because of my size.

So what did I do with it? At 268 lbs it was a lot to take in. While sick, I lost 19 lbs - good start (although the medication is to blame). The specialist also sent me to a weight-loss specialist and that program has really helped as well. Today, I am 224 lbs - down 44lbs!!! I will take it, I wish it hadn't been a health scare that finally pushed me over the edge but I feel better knowing that I am doing stuff to combat my health (apparently there is no determining whether the pressure will build back up or not - the best thing to do is to keep losing weight and hopefully decrease the chances of that happening).

As for my goals for the year:

1. Get healthy - on my way!
2. Lose 100lbs - almost half way there!
3. Fit into the hoodie my husband gave me for Christmas - I went on vacation to Alberta last week (a very active vacation at that) and look what I wore! Comfortably I might add!



















4. Stop drinking pop - No pop since March 1st - I am craving it like crazy but the medication that I am on makes carbonated drinks taste like metal. I guess that's lucky for me!
5. Exercise at least 4 days per week - I am no where with this one - it is definitely the next thing that I have to work on. No excuses!

I was also re-reading some of my other posts on this blog - not that there are a lot! But I chuckled at the Bus seat comments - I still think of that. Last week when I was on the plane, I could actually buckle the seat belt and pull it tight with quite a bit of seat belt left over at the end - I haven't seen that in forever! Other people might not even think of something as little as that but it was a huge non-scale victory for me!!

I think I need to start actually updating this blog more frequently...

Week 1

Well Week 1 is over...crappy week! I had been sick with the stomach flu and did not do much of anything this week. No excuse I know but what can you do? My plan is to weigh and do measurements tomorrow and get started! I also plan on calling the new gym on Monday so that I can set up my first session! It is so time to get back at it...

New Year - New Me...

Well, it has definitely been awhile...

To say things have been crazy and completely uncontrollable over the last year or so would be an understatement. But no excuses...

I have managed to balloon to the highest weight that I have ever been and it is not pretty at all. I need to figure out how to get back on track and how to make this change in me. For Christmas, my best friend and my husband decided to get me a small personal training and nutrition package at a private gym - I am excited and scared all at the same time. My husband managed to give me an insight into myself that I had not really thought about before now - when we were discussing the new gym, he said to me that he thought it wasn't about me being worried about a "women's only" gym or whatever, it wasn't about me being self conscious in front of other men but it was about me being self conscious in general. He's right. I think it is definitely something that I will need to work on.

So, it's a new year and I am determined to become a new me! What are my goals for the new year? I need to write them down and be accountable. I have a few small ones and some over arching larger ones:

1. Get healthy!

2. Lose 100 lbs (I know this seems drastic but a safe weight loss is up to 2 lbs per week - achievable).

3. Fit into the new hoodie my husband was kind enough to buy for me...

4. Stop drinking pop - Coca Cola is my downfall - it's my biggest weakness.

5. Exercise at least 4 days/week.

What are your goals?? What will you undertake this year?

Happy 2011!!!

The Bus

So, I was on the WW boards last week one day and someone posted about their NSV (non-scale victory) of fitting into a seat on the bus - that is, not having their butt be so wide that it touches the person next to them. I thought, wow, that is definitely something that I would like to accomplish!

I moved to Ottawa in January and prior to that, I had never really taken any form of public transportation. I thought it was funny that I understood exactly how that poster felt. I feel that whenever I get onto the bus, the passengers are screaming, "please don't let the fat girl sit by me!". And, when I'm actually sitting on the bus and others get on, they walk right past and avoid sitting by the fat girl. There are days I just want to be invisible. It's embarrassing. I don't even think people realize that that's what they are thinking at times, but it totally is. I'm just as guilty of it as the next person. I find myself strategically picking a seat on the bus - 1) to make me more comfortable and 2) to try not to inconvenience the other passengers too much.

Why am I talking about this? Because I think that this is my new goal - I want to lose enough weight to fit properly into a seat on the bus. Not that I don't fit now but whenever I sit by someone, they have to move a little to avoid contact. And, if someone sits by me, I find myself trying to fit into the smallest amount of space I can possibly fit into (which isn't very small!). I want to be able to get on the bus and sit comfortably and not have anyone move. I don't want to have to avoid contact with people - I just want it to happen naturally - because I'm a good (average) weight.

So, that is my goal. I will be measuring my success against how often I have to move to try to get comfortable on the bus! How's that for a weightloss goal?

As an aside, WI on Friday went well - I was down another 2.5lbs! But, like I said, I celebrated with food - Mediterranean Vegetarian pizza. And, ofcourse, I had to eat the leftovers on Saturday. I'm not sure how I'm going to get away from these food rewards...

Weigh-In Tomorrow...

So tomorrow is weigh-in (WI) day and I'm not super sure what the scale is going to say. I am hoping for a loss but who knows really?

It's funny how my life has come down to worrying about what the scale will say each Friday at lunch time. And, I know how I'll react either way to whatever the number is. If it is up - I will do as I did last week and have food to drown my sorrows (can you say Big Mac Combo?). If it is down - I will have food to celebrate my success. Even though I recognize the "issue" here, I still want to do the same thing - eat!

I'm not sure why my relationship with food is so disfunctional. I've spent this week thinking about why that might be and I haven't figured it out. I'm sure it will take me quite some time to decide why that is. I guess for now my plan is to try to curb those feelings of needing/wanting to eat for any reason that I can think up.

Wish me luck tomorrow - I hope it's a celebration feast that I will be having!!

Welcome!

So, I've decided to start blogging -should be an adventure! This blog will mostly centre around my journey to lose weight and to love myself more.

I started Weight Watchers mid-July and in 3 weeks I have lost 4lbs - it's a start.

What have I learned over the last 3 weeks? I've learned that I absolutely am an emotional eater. If I'm happy, I will eat. If I'm lonely, I will eat. If I'm upset, I will eat. You get the picture? I've learned that food is what I use to both comfort myself and to celebrate my accomplishments. I'm not sure when this started but it has been this way for as long as I can remember. Food has always been my best friend.

My goal now is to become a healthier version of me. I haven't recognized myself for a long time and I need to find myself again. So far I'm enjoying the journey...