Monday, August 17, 2009

The Bus

So, I was on the WW boards last week one day and someone posted about their NSV (non-scale victory) of fitting into a seat on the bus - that is, not having their butt be so wide that it touches the person next to them. I thought, wow, that is definitely something that I would like to accomplish!

I moved to Ottawa in January and prior to that, I had never really taken any form of public transportation. I thought it was funny that I understood exactly how that poster felt. I feel that whenever I get onto the bus, the passengers are screaming, "please don't let the fat girl sit by me!". And, when I'm actually sitting on the bus and others get on, they walk right past and avoid sitting by the fat girl. There are days I just want to be invisible. It's embarrassing. I don't even think people realize that that's what they are thinking at times, but it totally is. I'm just as guilty of it as the next person. I find myself strategically picking a seat on the bus - 1) to make me more comfortable and 2) to try not to inconvenience the other passengers too much.

Why am I talking about this? Because I think that this is my new goal - I want to lose enough weight to fit properly into a seat on the bus. Not that I don't fit now but whenever I sit by someone, they have to move a little to avoid contact. And, if someone sits by me, I find myself trying to fit into the smallest amount of space I can possibly fit into (which isn't very small!). I want to be able to get on the bus and sit comfortably and not have anyone move. I don't want to have to avoid contact with people - I just want it to happen naturally - because I'm a good (average) weight.

So, that is my goal. I will be measuring my success against how often I have to move to try to get comfortable on the bus! How's that for a weightloss goal?

As an aside, WI on Friday went well - I was down another 2.5lbs! But, like I said, I celebrated with food - Mediterranean Vegetarian pizza. And, ofcourse, I had to eat the leftovers on Saturday. I'm not sure how I'm going to get away from these food rewards...

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Weigh-In Tomorrow...

So tomorrow is weigh-in (WI) day and I'm not super sure what the scale is going to say. I am hoping for a loss but who knows really?

It's funny how my life has come down to worrying about what the scale will say each Friday at lunch time. And, I know how I'll react either way to whatever the number is. If it is up - I will do as I did last week and have food to drown my sorrows (can you say Big Mac Combo?). If it is down - I will have food to celebrate my success. Even though I recognize the "issue" here, I still want to do the same thing - eat!

I'm not sure why my relationship with food is so disfunctional. I've spent this week thinking about why that might be and I haven't figured it out. I'm sure it will take me quite some time to decide why that is. I guess for now my plan is to try to curb those feelings of needing/wanting to eat for any reason that I can think up.

Wish me luck tomorrow - I hope it's a celebration feast that I will be having!!

Saturday, August 8, 2009


So, I've decided to start blogging -should be an adventure! This blog will mostly centre around my journey to lose weight and to love myself more.

I started Weight Watchers mid-July and in 3 weeks I have lost 4lbs - it's a start.

What have I learned over the last 3 weeks? I've learned that I absolutely am an emotional eater. If I'm happy, I will eat. If I'm lonely, I will eat. If I'm upset, I will eat. You get the picture? I've learned that food is what I use to both comfort myself and to celebrate my accomplishments. I'm not sure when this started but it has been this way for as long as I can remember. Food has always been my best friend.

My goal now is to become a healthier version of me. I haven't recognized myself for a long time and I need to find myself again. So far I'm enjoying the journey...